I was born with me. The person I have spent the maximum time in this world is me. However, when I look at my life, I feel that I have given the least amount of attention to this person called me!
I was a second born to the most wonderful parents and a super awesome sister! I was loved, carefree and extremely playful (people would call me naughty). It was perfectly ok at home. At school I was this brilliant sister’s sister. She had all the medals and I had none. It never bothered me then, but I think, the subconscious, always wanted to conform. wanted to be called a good girl.
In this journey to be a good girl, I started doing things that sounded good for the world. I chose the wrong subject during graduation and fared badly. Post which of course, choices were consciously made, and decisions were “right”. But I moved further and further from myself. From being the best employee, to being the best wife, the best daughter-in-law, the best mother etc, I somewhere totally lost connect with myself. I was striving to conform to everything because I wanted to be a good girl.
It’s not that conforming did not have its benefits. It did. Everyone around me was happy and I was this ideal “everything”. I tried harder and it gave me results. But I was always falling short somewhere in my own eyes, as over a period, I had forgotten which game I was actually playing.
In all this, I was appreciated for the reasons that, I never thought were important. I was great at my work but they appreciated me for my warmth. I was swift and achieved deadlines and they appreciated me for being a team player. It always made me feel incomplete. I compared myself to others. They were appreciated for the job they did, I was always appreciated for somethings else. As I reflected, I realised that I was appreciated for the person I was. I was not appreciated for the person I wanted to be.
In this race to be a good girl, I had given up on myself. What I wanted from life? What was I good at? Do I really want to do what others are doing? Who is a good girl?
I accepted myself for the first time a few months back when I was training as a coach. I realised that the game that I was playing was not my game at all. I was complete in myself. I was good anyway!
Stop and think.
What are you conforming to? Do you know who you are? Are you in your game or you are playing the game of others?
PS: My sister is the best sister in the world. She just happened to be brilliant!!